Things Fall Apart

Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

-- William Butler Yeats

Though many miles and a few states away from hurricane Katrina, I have seen her portents and stood in silent wonder. Mostly at the clouds. The clouds are so dark, so full, so foreboding. It's not even imaginative to compare myself to them --it's so obvious and pedestrian that I immediately reject them outright. I disdain and dismiss the metaphors as they came to my mind and my hands. They will not be legitimized here, I am a better writer than that. But yes, the clouds. There has also been something on the wind, in the breeze, especially at twilight, it seems. You could tell something of great magnitude was about to happen, somewhere.

That is where the more sophisticated metphors and similes presented themselves, but not always being at my most attentive or vigilant, I did not recognize them for what they were, nor did I understand what they were trying to tell me. Yes, Katrina did tremendous damage in New Orleans. I was stationed there years ago and had to evac to Memphis to get out of harm's way. But silly me, the true storm is right here on your own doorstep, in your own yard, in your own home. I am about to go through the wringer, perhaps lose all of my possessions, my friends, my family, perhaps my life. If I do not live to see 35, so be it. I will not meet my appointed end in a state of hysteria or frenzy. If my life is the Titanic, I'm probably going to be like one of those fools who died playing their instruments, trying to calm the others (and themselves) in the carnage. I cannot go into detail right now, but it looks like things are definitely falling apart. The center is not holding. And there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it. If I do survive this, I do have a couplet from Octavia Butler to give me a little hope.

In order to rise from its ashes
A phoenix first must burn.

We're not Worthy!!!

Last night capped a frantic effort to finish up that research paper that should have been done well in advance. One of the hidden gems in this project was stumbling across John von Neumann. Man, what a revelation. That dude was a true genius. You see people throwing that word around alot, but if I have ever seen someone who truly deserved the title, it was him. I had only heard his name once before, in a song by Canibus (so much for rap not being educational). The song was called "Chaos" off of the 2000 BC album, and the line was:

I’m like einstein,
A hundred and fifty times magnified
Nikola Tesla , John von Neumann
All wrapped up in the body in one human

I was like, okay so we're supposed to believe you're really smart. And there were plenty of very clever lyrics on the album, but I never checked this reference. Well, now I have met Mr. von Neumann, and boy was I impressed. I'm not going to type in all that I read, but check out some of these links here, here, and here. The talents of people are sometimes amazing. And doesn't history show that for the most part, you're either born with it, or you're not? This guy's achievements have inspired me to make the most of my many talents.

Apples of Gold in Settings of Silver

I have a research paper that has been consuming my time lately, and while buried in a book, I found a remarkable quote. The foci of my study are Karl Marx and Adam Smith, but the quote was used in reference to Marx, who inasmuch as I have seen, was far keener than Smith -and Smith was no slouch. Anyway, I was pondering the weight of the quotation, how it could apply to a number of people: Jesus, Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, Marcus Garvey, Kwame Nkrumah, the list goes on and on. It makes me nod in agreement to the wisdom of King Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes -everything indeed is futile. Here goes:

He that has a Gospel
To loose upon Mankind
Though he serve it utterly-
Body, soul and mind-
Though he go to Calvary
Daily for its gain-
It is his Disciple
Shall make his labour vain.

--Kipling

An Old Couplet

This is one I wrote many years ago, and man, is it potent or what?

Life is a shame
When the choices you've made
Save you from ruin
Then ruin you anyway.

Late is the Hour of the Night

And if I must be up this late, why am I not studying? Why am I writing a blog no one will read? Why am I not playing Soul Calibur or Tekken or even Starcraft. Why am I not writing new music or practicing my scales or reading my Bible or learning the meaning of life. Instead of these things (and countless other possible activities), I am introspecting, a word I just made up specifically for this occasion. I just turned 33 a few days ago, and I've been thinking. I remember when I was 27, 23, 19, 15, 9. Things have changed so much for me. I've been thinking about where I've been and where I am and where I need to be, and how I need to get there and how to be patient in the meantime. I've been thinking about some of the horrible things I've done in the past, the lies I have told, the things I have stolen, the hearts I have shattered. I've been thinking about the good things I've done, like consoling the weak and weary, helping people with flat tires and bad luck and impossible deadlines and weird conundrums. I've been thinking about everything I am learning about this quarter. I've been thinking that I really do enjoy teaching. I have been thinking about roles and socialization and the impact of gender and race and nationality on my life and outlook. I've been thinking about the suffering of the world. In my Humanities class I have been thinking that we have been going around and round on these issues forever, and no progress is being made. I have been thinking about Karl Marx and Voltaire and Jonathan Swift and Charles Dickens and Walt Whitman and Richard Wagner and Ludwig von Beethoven and Frans Liszt. I've been thinking about Capablanca and Alekhine and Morphy and Lasker. I have fancied myself a romantic, but then thinking, no, you're more of a Neo-Classical kind of fellow, always searching for the aesthetic and philosophical ideal. I think that I think too much sometimes. I think, ergo, I am. And if I am, I must... do what? The first thing to come to my mind is "Dominate" but it that really me thinking? Or is that the resultant of the photons of my soul being bombarded by the myriad forces in my proximity. Must ... must know, must do, must do well and do right. Must make a difference. And if making a difference means that millions may die so that billions might live in right relationship to our Creator... what was that? Where did that thought come from? Late is the hour of the night, and I must continue my thinking in the reality fugue of sleep.