The Free Form Model

I don't know what I am going to say. I don't have an outline, I have no theme. There are many thoughts running through my head. There are many things I want to do. I want to practice my guitar, but the kids are asleep at it would disturb them. I want to practice on my keyboard. I've fallen into the predictable pattern of slack off on practicing for weeks at a time. Today I played for a while, and it felt good.  I should do more.  I want to clean up my desk. My office is a mild mess. I want to read. I have several books I've started -but which one is the one I need write now? I have no idea. I want to play chess. I love the game, and I am so competitive that my mood rises when I am triumphant and crashes when I fail. And I am failing a lot lately. My rating (a numeric approximation of strength and skill is about 150 points lower than where it should be.  But when you lose to lower rated players, your rating falls more drastically than when you lose to your peers.  Exhale.

When all else fails, when I am spinning around in a tizzy within my own head, I know to write. I know to talk myself down. I know that if I will seclude myself, then I can diffuse myself. If I will still myself, then writing will help me heal myself.

So that is what I am doing.

And I am starting
to feel

better.