Powerless

My name is Jahan, and I am powerless.

Actually, I don't believe that for a minute, but I do understand the sentiment. Correction: I might believe it for a few moments out of each day, but all in all, I tend to disagree. I have tremendous power. I have great destructive power. I have the power to tear down my own reputation, my legacy, my self respect. I have the power to make or break my childrens' destinies. I have the power to elevate and uplift my wife or shatter her faith and confidence. I have the power to make you all shudder or disgust or marvel in wonder. So why then would I begin this post with...

My name is Jahan, and I am powerless.

...because I feel like there are things that need to be done that are beyond my control. I am helpless. Surely no one has total control over their fate, but this is ridiculous. My finances are screwed up, my job is a roller coaster, my children are continually challenging me, and you don't really want to hear it, do you? Can't blame you for that. Flavor Flav's got problems of his own, right? Anyway, I recognize that I am powerless in my ways, but I am not accepting it. Like an escape artist in a prison or in shackles, I am probing for a weak point that I can exploit to eventually be free. I am twisting and contorting my body and mind beyond discomfort to what I can only hope is liberation on the other side. Is life just a dream, and you wake up when you die?