So Gone
After a long and bizzarre tenure, I have left the choir at my church. It was a weird experience. I'm rather disappointed at myself for not being able to come up with a better adjective, being a writer and all, but weird will just have to do. It was weird. The experience taught me a lot about myself, organized religion, Christians, leadership, performing, hypocrisy, excellence, mediocrity, commitment, beauty, improvising and worship. I have been privileged to sing alongside some truly excellent singers, like Donnie McClurkin. It's all good. I wanted to maintain a separate blog only for choir related ruminations, but that fizzled. I can't keep up with one blog, how was I going to handle two?
Anyway, I'm out, liberated, free. Free to drown myself in this big push I've already explained. I need the extra time in my schedule, and despite what people say, something had to give, and that something was the choir. What do I have in my life? I have my family, my education, and my business, which is coming along quite nicely. Which of these can I forsake for the sake of the choir? Exactly. People have said, "But it's for the Lord." Well, the Lord can hear me singing in my office, or in the shower, or walking down an aisle at Walmart. Definitely in the car. If the Lord wants to hear me sing, He won't have to look too far. I love when people try to spiritualize things. No, the Lord did not descend from heaven and tell me to leave. Nor did he send a heavenly host, burning bush, or terrifying dream. He gave me a mind, and the ability to evaluate, and the strength to make decisions and live with the consequences. So enough is enough. I didn't join because God said, "Get thou thee into yea choir, and make a joyful noise unto me!" I joined because the music pastor at the time, Terrell Taylor, said that the choir needed 'a few good men', and that any men who could sing should come out. It was sadly obviously, with 17 women and two guys that the men needed some help. So I stepped in to help. No fasting, no praying, no vision quest. I must be the worst Christian EVER!
As a youth I sang in church choirs in Danville and Springfield. I sang in chorus in junior high and high school. We won state competitions at both levels. I sang in the Navy choir. I was even the director of the Navy choir at one point, but I got demoted for not being 'gung-ho enough' -what can I say. I have a decent musical background, I knew I could be an asset, so I became an asset. And it was weird. I saw up close and personal how people could be so petty and carnal over who gets to hold the microphone. I saw up close and personal how people could get free of their misery and bondage through praise and worship. I met kind and wonderful people and petulant divas that made me want to wretch.
I guess you could say I saw it all,
But now I see no more.
And I'm cool with that.
Anyway, I'm out, liberated, free. Free to drown myself in this big push I've already explained. I need the extra time in my schedule, and despite what people say, something had to give, and that something was the choir. What do I have in my life? I have my family, my education, and my business, which is coming along quite nicely. Which of these can I forsake for the sake of the choir? Exactly. People have said, "But it's for the Lord." Well, the Lord can hear me singing in my office, or in the shower, or walking down an aisle at Walmart. Definitely in the car. If the Lord wants to hear me sing, He won't have to look too far. I love when people try to spiritualize things. No, the Lord did not descend from heaven and tell me to leave. Nor did he send a heavenly host, burning bush, or terrifying dream. He gave me a mind, and the ability to evaluate, and the strength to make decisions and live with the consequences. So enough is enough. I didn't join because God said, "Get thou thee into yea choir, and make a joyful noise unto me!" I joined because the music pastor at the time, Terrell Taylor, said that the choir needed 'a few good men', and that any men who could sing should come out. It was sadly obviously, with 17 women and two guys that the men needed some help. So I stepped in to help. No fasting, no praying, no vision quest. I must be the worst Christian EVER!
As a youth I sang in church choirs in Danville and Springfield. I sang in chorus in junior high and high school. We won state competitions at both levels. I sang in the Navy choir. I was even the director of the Navy choir at one point, but I got demoted for not being 'gung-ho enough' -what can I say. I have a decent musical background, I knew I could be an asset, so I became an asset. And it was weird. I saw up close and personal how people could be so petty and carnal over who gets to hold the microphone. I saw up close and personal how people could get free of their misery and bondage through praise and worship. I met kind and wonderful people and petulant divas that made me want to wretch.
I guess you could say I saw it all,
But now I see no more.
And I'm cool with that.
posted by Jahan at 1:09 AM
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