I've Got to Stop
I had a research paper due last week. I knew about it all semester. Actually we're on the quarter system but... yeah. I gathered the sources I needed and then let them collect dust. The paper had to be 1500 - 2000 words. 59 minutes into the day it was due (12:59AM for those of you who either just got up or need to go to bed), I had zero words written. No cover page, no bibliography, nothing. I was predicatably nonchalant regarding this catastrophe in the making, while others in my position would have been slitting their wrists with butterknives in panic. Why so calm? I'll tell you.
Because I am a writer. And writers write. Since my youth I have won contests and awards for my compositions. As early as 7th grade I was regularly accused of plagiarism because my gems showed skill beyond my years. I used techniques my English teachers hadn't seen since grad school, and vocabulary that was sophisticated without being pretentious. I love to write. I know good writing when I read it. I know good writing when I create it. I love stumbling across a particularly well written passage, and just bathing in it. I love learning new words and phrases and adding new weapons to my literary arsenal (I can't believe it took me 30 years to stumble across syllepsis!), so that when I need to emote, my pen and paper, or my keyboard and word processor can translate my ugly and primitive and confused impulses into something orderly, insightful and beautiful. I am not going to fear any research paper put before me, because even though it is not a creative exercise, it is still writing, and it still affords me the opportunity to put my own stamp on even the dullest of subjects. This is why I can be down 10 pages in a 10 pages paper in crunch time and still be cool with it. I write. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not doing it for a living, but I think I've found the answer. I'll share that another day.
Anyway, this is how it went from there. I worked on it from 1AM (Saying, "alright, that's enough goofing off, let's get down to business.") until 3AM, putting together the concept of the paper, looking through these books for quotes to support my position. I then went to bed, after maybe 300 disjointed words, and dreamt of Karl Marx and Adam Smith. I dreamt that I was sitting in an old rocking chair knitting, not a sock or a sweater, but a research paper. I can't knit, but I've seen my Nonny do it. She sits in her chair, with a basket full of different colored balls of yarn. She weaves them together into something I don't see a pattern or instructions for, just something she was in her mind's eye. I envision that all the words I need are at my feet in a basket and while humming an old tune a paper writes itself in my hands. I got up at 6 and began my day. Got my kids up and out the door, went to handle my business, and by 3 in the afternoon, I was back home. I wanted to take a nap, but I had to have this thing emailed to my professor before midnight, and I knew I could easily snooze until 9. So I stayed up and worked on it. Worked through my kids' constant interruption. Worked through people calling, asking me if I want to join a jam session or go hoop. Just knockin it out, organically. I grew my paper from a seed, an idea, like one of those fast growing watermelons in the cartoons. I don't build the paper or construct a paper, I grow the paper. By 9PM it is done. I polish it and play with it, tweak it and freak it, and at 11:53, I submit. Instead of collapsing in exultation (or exhaustion), I go play my Gamecube for maybe an hour.
Last night, I got an email from my professor. The grades for the research papers are in!! I go to login to the site where she posted the results (with her comments). The paper is 20% of our grade. I tense slightly. I have a 98.57% in the class, so I have nothing to fear -even if she hates my paper, how much can it bring me down? Relax, boy. There it is. 100%!!!!!!!!!!! Now is the time for exultation. Here are her comments:
"The paper contains skillful analysis of the work of two thinkers and is well researched. The paper has very clear structure and supports your main argument with illustrative examples and meaningful historical parallels. Well done! "
Ha ha, sweeeeeet!!! But I've gotta stop working like this. I could have written an even better paper had I disciplined myself a little more. I fear that success has made me a little lazy, and doesn't give me much incentive to change the way I approach my studies. I have heard that it's better to be lucky than good... but what about those who are both?
Because I am a writer. And writers write. Since my youth I have won contests and awards for my compositions. As early as 7th grade I was regularly accused of plagiarism because my gems showed skill beyond my years. I used techniques my English teachers hadn't seen since grad school, and vocabulary that was sophisticated without being pretentious. I love to write. I know good writing when I read it. I know good writing when I create it. I love stumbling across a particularly well written passage, and just bathing in it. I love learning new words and phrases and adding new weapons to my literary arsenal (I can't believe it took me 30 years to stumble across syllepsis!), so that when I need to emote, my pen and paper, or my keyboard and word processor can translate my ugly and primitive and confused impulses into something orderly, insightful and beautiful. I am not going to fear any research paper put before me, because even though it is not a creative exercise, it is still writing, and it still affords me the opportunity to put my own stamp on even the dullest of subjects. This is why I can be down 10 pages in a 10 pages paper in crunch time and still be cool with it. I write. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not doing it for a living, but I think I've found the answer. I'll share that another day.
Anyway, this is how it went from there. I worked on it from 1AM (Saying, "alright, that's enough goofing off, let's get down to business.") until 3AM, putting together the concept of the paper, looking through these books for quotes to support my position. I then went to bed, after maybe 300 disjointed words, and dreamt of Karl Marx and Adam Smith. I dreamt that I was sitting in an old rocking chair knitting, not a sock or a sweater, but a research paper. I can't knit, but I've seen my Nonny do it. She sits in her chair, with a basket full of different colored balls of yarn. She weaves them together into something I don't see a pattern or instructions for, just something she was in her mind's eye. I envision that all the words I need are at my feet in a basket and while humming an old tune a paper writes itself in my hands. I got up at 6 and began my day. Got my kids up and out the door, went to handle my business, and by 3 in the afternoon, I was back home. I wanted to take a nap, but I had to have this thing emailed to my professor before midnight, and I knew I could easily snooze until 9. So I stayed up and worked on it. Worked through my kids' constant interruption. Worked through people calling, asking me if I want to join a jam session or go hoop. Just knockin it out, organically. I grew my paper from a seed, an idea, like one of those fast growing watermelons in the cartoons. I don't build the paper or construct a paper, I grow the paper. By 9PM it is done. I polish it and play with it, tweak it and freak it, and at 11:53, I submit. Instead of collapsing in exultation (or exhaustion), I go play my Gamecube for maybe an hour.
Last night, I got an email from my professor. The grades for the research papers are in!! I go to login to the site where she posted the results (with her comments). The paper is 20% of our grade. I tense slightly. I have a 98.57% in the class, so I have nothing to fear -even if she hates my paper, how much can it bring me down? Relax, boy. There it is. 100%!!!!!!!!!!! Now is the time for exultation. Here are her comments:
"The paper contains skillful analysis of the work of two thinkers and is well researched. The paper has very clear structure and supports your main argument with illustrative examples and meaningful historical parallels. Well done! "
Ha ha, sweeeeeet!!! But I've gotta stop working like this. I could have written an even better paper had I disciplined myself a little more. I fear that success has made me a little lazy, and doesn't give me much incentive to change the way I approach my studies. I have heard that it's better to be lucky than good... but what about those who are both?
posted by Jahan at 8:54 AM
3 Comments:
Many institutions limit access to their online information. Making this information available will be an asset to all.
Many institutions limit access to their online information. Making this information available will be an asset to all.
Many institutions limit access to their online information. Making this information available will be an asset to all.
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